Death is around the corner for everyone. I could get run over by a truck, shot up in some alley, or God could just smite me because liches are kinda… y’know? Anyways, I was thinking that if I ever were to die, I wouldn’t know what would happen to the blog or the stream or how people would know if I just quit or if something happened… If I died tomorrow, nobody online would know. On Twitter, Facebook, WordPress, Discord, Twitch, or wherever, it would just be the end for it all and people would probably forget about me after a few weeks, some may even be glad about it.
Now, I don’t wanna be melodramatic. I’m still young and kicking. If I were to die tomorrow, it would probably be because of my clumsiness or because of my bad habit of blasting songs through my earphones outside. Either way, when it happens it happens. I don’t have to worry about it but it’s actually something that my closest friends and I talked about and… I started writing a letter. It’s a letter that my friends, my family, and my partner would receive in case I died. It would probably include my Steam password so that more people could play the thousands of games I own and some very bad jokes. I’d probably talk about how I didn’t actually die and how I’m just on vacation and travelling through the underworld in search of my dead rabbit, Sammy. I’m immortal after all. I’d then crack some jokes and say stuff along the lines of “please delete my browser-history”, “sell my kidneys and donate to the Trevor Project” and “I’m up here, sipping some fine wine and watching you. I’ll try to watch over you. Nice shirt btw!” But while I have these ideas and drafts of how to be funny and how to cheer someone up,… I never actually got to finish my letter. I never really managed to finish it because the prospect of leaving behind everyone close to me and the idea of no longer being able to hang out with them… I don’t know. It just left a bad taste in my mouth and I found it upsetting and sad and I really hope that I die after everyone, if at all, as I don’t want them to spend any days on Earth griefing over me. Like, jeez, that would suck!
All (somewhat macabre) jokes aside, it upset me and made me anxious and I have enough on my plate already. I shouldn’t worry about writing a fucking letter after I die. It would probably be the easiest if I were to keep it short and simple: “I love you. Oh, and remind me to write more later, thanks.”
But as far as the blog goes, for a while I had this post that I would schedule for “next week” and then when the time came, I’d schedule it for the next week and it’s still there… and it basically just says “Hey, I wrote this quite a while ago but if you’re reading this, there won’t be anymore posts here as I died. Sucks, eh? Check out my blog roll for other cool people. Cheers!” – I also wrote other things but I don’t wanna spoil it for you. It’s a whole thing. I believe I wrote 2k words in total but I can’t be arsed to check as it makes me sad whenever I read it. I was thinking of maybe scheduling it for next month potentially… I just hope that I don’t forget about it and scare people or whatever.
Either way, this is essentially what I wanted to talk about today. I’ve been meaning to talk about this and get it off my chest but writing that sorta letter “just in case” sucks and I hate it and it puts me on the brink of a panic attack which is horrible and uh,… Can’t recommend.