I’m back again. It’s been a few hectic days, really, with university starting again on the 3rd and me still recovering from the holidays. The holidays have been fine, to be fair, and even if I had some issues at my parents’ place and even if I had some other things to worry about at my better half’s parents’ place, it all worked out in the end. I’m still alive and kicking. University started a bit too early for my taste. Like, the 3rd? Seriously? But in the end, exams are coming up next week and, understandably, we gotta get the train rolling (or whatever that expression is). Still, I found it a bit hard to come back home to my own four walls where I’m practically alone. I mean, I feel a bit lonely but I also can’t really spend time with friends at the moment as I’m too occupied with studying for exams. These past few days have been rough for me mentally as well as I have yet to figure out how to get my shit together. It’s a work in progress really. I was able to get up early over the holidays but lately, I’m just struggling. After all, getting up is the hardest part of the day…
I kind of feel as if I’m in a slump with the added pressure from exams and expectations and just getting back into the groove of things. I don’t think that this is another depressive episode or anything like that… but it feels like it? Kind of? The oversleeping, the procrastination, the lacking will to properly take care of myself,… it’s hard. It’s annoying. It’s frustrating. It’s incredibly difficult for me to get back into this sort of rhythm after these past two weeks.
Partially, that’s also because of the blog. I wanted to go ahead and upgrade my WordPress plan sometime soon but I’m a bit hesitant about it. I don’t know why but everything just feels a bit scary, and it’s this unreasonable sense of uneasiness that is bothering me. The same thing goes for going outside or even tomorrow’s appointment. I’m incredibly anxious about tomorrow’s appointment with the neurologist. My migraine has been acting up these past few days and last week, I even got a bit of dizziness going on. The constant headache is not getting better and to make matters worse, my upper right wisdom tooth was removed last week and it’s still hurting a lot. The constant pain is annoying, to say the least, and while pain meds can help, I don’t want to constantly take them. This one that I have here is quite strong already and it does help but it wears off after a few hours and taking another isn’t allowed. I often end up not taking any at all because I know that it won’t help for most of the day.
Back to the neurologist: I’m scared. I don’t know what they’ll find or if they’ll find anything at all. I don’t know why my head is constantly aching or why I turned blind or why I get dizzy so often… and I’m worried that it may be something super bad. Obviously, it doesn’t have to be… but since I had to wait so long for that appointment, I had plenty of times to worry myself over nothing. In the end, it will most likely end up being much ado but nothing but… what if they have to remove my eyes or my brain or something? I don’t know. I overthink stuff too much lately and then I get stressed out and then I feel sad.
I’ll obviously still go to the neurologist tomorrow. I got the appointment and waited for so long. So, I gotta take the chance and find out what’s wrong with me… but at the same time, that appointment is scaring me and making me anxious and I’ve yet got to recover from the holidays and stuff, so… I’m just in a slump and I hope it gets better before the exams next week.
On another note, this is the first unscheduled post in quite a while and it feels good to write stuff for the same day again, although I’d love to have one in the can again in case I don’t feel productive at all. I’ll have to work that out. Writing about my pain felt good, though, and I hope I can get over this soon, especially as I plan on writing more reviews this year – and I can’t do that while I’m in this slump, right? Oh and I’m not actually sure if “slump” is the right word here btw. It’s a “low” of sorts and I’ve just been calling it that because it sounded fitting – especially as it’s usually a decline of sorts? No idea.