Note: I had to back-schedule this post as I mistakenly had it scheduled for next week. My bad!
As you can tell by the note, this post wasn’t written on Sunday. It’s Monday over here. Why did I have to do that? Well,… I fell asleep while writing my essay for the assignment and literally passed out at my desk when I submitted it… but I didn’t get to write a post yet. Today’s post was the Beacon Pines review… that one has been scheduled for today as planned. The normal post for yesterday was gonna be about Musk’s “Free Speech Absolutism” and the fact that it ties in well into the whole “Paradox of Tolerance” thing…
Anyway, taking digs at Elon Musk aside… Streaks. They’re motivating and I keep doing it but at the same time, I’m noticing that these past few days have been incredibly busy for me which is why I’ll have to seriously think about how I wanna go from here.
Frankly, it’s my bad. Vengeance already told me that I took too many classes… and yes, they were right and I didn’t disagree with them or anything. I knew it was a bad idea… but here I am still trying. I’ll most likely, however, only participate in a quarter of the exams. Partially due to the overlap (I can’t be in two places at the same time) and partially due to me not being able to study for all of it. Instead, I’m gonna take my notes for this semester and use them next semester when I retake some of these classes. Yay.
But blogging is great and I wanna keep doing it. I’m stubborn. I’m also petty. There is someone I dislike and they do things that make me feel “bad”, essentially. They belittle me and they make me feel invalid. And they accuse me of things they do themselves, things that I don’t. Which is fine.
You can’t vibe with everyone.
But my point is sort of that if I were to give up on blogging daily, I feel like I’d give up on blogging as a whole as well. I wouldn’t pick it up at all. I’d just leave it by the side and I’d struggle to get back into it… A while ago, I haven’t streamed for a few days and it was really no big deal with me only missing two streams or something… but it felt so difficult to get back into it and so hard to be my usual self… and to just do things that I normally do with ease… That’s terrifying. Blogging will be the same.
So, I get belittled by that person relatively often and if I were to stop doing the streak, I’d probably end up getting stressed out because I don’t have this hobby anymore and in the process, I may end up saying things I may regret to that person. I respect that person but they clearly see me as someone that is below them as they made clear multiple times… and I don’t want to ruin things, even if that idea of respect is purely one-sided. And I also don’t want them to possibly attack or (again) belittle me for quitting the blog.
In essence, this means that I’m just stubborn and that I’m petty. Incredibly petty. I’m a petty fuck. And I fucking hate it… but I also never forget these sorts of things – which could apparently have to do with possibly being on the spectrum. I honestly don’t know. I remember stuff like this for ages and dwell on it a lot. I reflect on it. I analyse it. I realize that I could have done differently… but sometimes, I also realise that I can’t always be at fault and that it takes two to misunderstand something, right?
Either way, long story short, I back-scheduled this post because I would have double-posted next week, essentially. I got posts scheduled for the holidays… sorta… I’ll have to see what I can do about the next few days. I also still need to pack and get ready to visit my parents. Oh, woe, the to-do list is still long.