The Stray Sheep #30 – You don’t have to

So, for the past few days, I’ve been asking people for help and recommendations for a new budget PC. So far I’ve only played video games on a laptop and this one’s getting quite old. So, I ended up checking for the recommended requirements on a game and compared stuff using a versus-side so that I could end up with a build that doesn’t cost too much, I guess. Then I asked people on a budget-builds-discord about it and they told me that I can get the same specs for a lot cheaper if I built it myself (which is true and which is why now I’m going for that). 

In the end, I still need to save up for it for a while and then eventually I’ll get to ordering the PC. 

But that’s not what the post is about. I wanted to thank all the people out there that helped me with my questions as I trust them on their opinions, knowledge and recommendations. This post addresses something one person said.

For the past couple of weeks I ended up bashing heads with one person there, which happens sometimes, I guess. Most often you can make up with others. In this case, however, it lead to that person leaving our community and leaving a rude message. I am not planning on rehashing things or getting back at that person or even creating more drama. One thing that person said inspired me to make this post as I thought that it may be something that some people out there may struggle with.

“For weeks I forced myself to try and get along with you […]”

If you can’t get along with someone, you don’t have to. It’s worthwhile to try to do just that – get along with someone – but beating yourself up over it and even forcing yourself to do so is just complete nonsense. You don’t have to get along with everyone.

At our Uni, I’m a member of a few different clubs and groups. I could draw a diagram of the drama club people I know and the literature club people I know and people I know from my work and uni politics and all that and there’d be tons of intersections. That happens over the course of time. It’s only natural.
You know person B and person C that get to know other people, including person A. There’re way too many people out there so you can’t possibly like everyone..
If you don’t get along with person A, that doesn’t mean that you can’t get along with the people that person A has to do with either. You certainly can still talk, play, and enjoy your time with person B and C even when you disagree with person A’s opinions or just can’t stand their personality or whatever.

So, if you are in that situation that you’re trying to get along with people that you don’t like and forcing yourself to do so “for the greater good”…
Or if you are in that situation and you’re trying to change yourself to not cause any conflicts, then remember that

you don’t have to.

The other parts of the message are irrelevant. There were some rude remarks, I guess, but I don’t want to get back at that person. The person told me to grow up, then blocked me, hence I can’t talk to her about it – but I also don’t have to. If she doesn’t want to get along with me, that person doesn’t have to, and I, as well, shouldn’t try to force her.

I struggled with the decision of whether or not I should publish this post for a while today. I ended up rethinking it and whenever I thought that it might help someone and that it might end up as a rather uplifting post, I also thought that that person might think of this as a personal attack of some sorts. Maybe this post will help her, maybe it will help somebody else, maybe it will help nobody at all, I thought it’d be a nice idea for the 30th Stray Sheep.

I guess I could mention that I found myself in that situation quite often when I went to school. For the first few years, I never got along with my class mates and always tried to fit in. Hell, there were even teachers blaming me for not fitting in when in fact, you can’t always be friends with everyone. There was this huge douchebag in my class. A real snob on top of that. We had a back and forth from elementary school to highschool and eventually I just didn’t care at all if I was the outsider in class as I still had friends in other classes and online and in our Drama Club back then.
At some point, I thought that I don’t need to have fun in school as school only serves the purpose of educating yourself, getting good grades and eventually graduating. You don’t have to stick to these guys for ever.

So if you, dear reader, are troubled by anything like this: Remember that you don’t have to beat yourself up over this or even change to fit in. You have your life and they have theirs. You don’t have to be friends with everyone. I’d love a world with no conflicts, but I don’t understand what’s going on in everyone’s minds and I doubt that you do.

And just in case a certain someone reads this, I’d like to mention that I never hated you or meant you any harm in any way. I enjoyed talking to you and really appreciated all the help I received from you (and everyone else who helped me with my questions) and I’d like it if you came back eventually and kept in touch with everyone. I enjoyed the conversations we had most of the time. If anything, come back for the other people here, not necessarily for me.

Take care.

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