Recently, I’ve been noticing how hard it actually is to strike up a conversation.
I’m introverted and shy (which is btw not synonymous). I often act against my shy nature and try to socialize but I can’t change how draining it is as an introvert to act in that manner.
Still, I try my best. I don’t want that trait to define me if that makes sense.
Anyhow, those traits combined with the possibility of me being on the spectrum… makes it hard for me to communicate. Again, I don’t want that to define me as a person and I don’t want to just accept that. So, I try my hardest to communicate with others, strike up a conversation with strangers, etc.
Theoretically, I can hold a conversation with any person as long as the occasion permits it.
At parties, for instance, it’s incredibly easy to talk to them, tease them, laugh with them, tell jokes and share stories. It’s easy to get into the matter and then guide the conversation in a specific way to get answers to questions and so on. I say “guide” but what I mean is keeping the conversation going without monologuing.
Theoretically, it’s as simple as asking people about their interests or reasons for being in different places, finding a reason to talk to them, even if it’s to complain about bad music at a party or whatever.
Then you try to treat each answer you get for a question as a path and follow each path with questions and answers, sharing a little about yourself and finding out more about them. When both parties are interested in a conversation, that stuff seems almost easy even though that’s the hard part, often harder than just going up to people. And when you’ve exhausted a path, you change to a different path. Basically.
Lately, though, I’ve noticed that it doesn’t work like that, at least with family. My parents want me to talk to them but I don’t know what to talk about. My interests don’t align with theirs and overall I just blank out.
Conversation is rough when I’m put on the spot like that. It’s something I want to get better at but I simply can’t seem to quite do it in these situations…
Anyway, this sort of makes my parents hard to talk to at times and it annoys me because I thought I was getting better at conversations and stuff.
I’ll have to work on that more, I guess. Conversations are hard.
This post was first published on Indiecator by Dan Indiecator aka MagiWasTaken. If you like what you see here and want to see more, you can check me out on Twitch and YouTube as well. If you find this post on a website other than Indiecator.org, please write an e-mail to me. Thank you!
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i feel this I FEEL THIS, i do find it easier to talk with my parents tho, not both, moreso with one than the other, but yeah, i get wanting to get better. you can do it! idk what the answer is tho bc im just as awkward lol i think the nice thing about talking with my parents is that i feel comfortable just talking at them vs feeling the need to find a balance. it works out, we end up finding it but im always way more self conscious if its with a stranger bc i can be a blabbermouth xD
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Yeah, an issue that I have is that sometimes I could go on and on and on about topics – which is a good thing when streaming but a bad thing when you’re having a conversation. I also used to not stand silence and I tried to fill it and that’d feel bad to my partner at the time or some friends… and that changed.
But in regards to talk to people, it’s important to find a balance. I need to stop myself sometimes from talking too much… but at the same time, you shouldn’t silence yourself or anything like that. Being a blabbermouth isn’t necessarily a bad thing and it’s a part of me and you and everyone that talks a lot. Balance is important.
This post, though… was more of an observation. As Yuu pointed out, talking to strangers and talking to family are two different things. I was essentially comparing apples to oranges but it shows me sort of that I still have a long way to go.
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i had to see what yuu said xD i suppose i can see why it’s apples and oranges but i guess for me it’s not really, lol. more just comfort levels. i once confessed to someone that i was bad at conversations and they were like what really you’re not, and that surprised me, so maybe you’ll be surprised too!
but you’ll figure things out 👍
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I think it depends on who you’re talking to, in your post you compared getting to know strangers with talking to your parents, but they are vastly different – you have questions to ask as you get to know strangers, but with your parents, you have lived with them (I assume) and know them pretty well. It’s a different skill all together imo, although both are technically conversations…
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Oh, obviously, it’s a different kind of skills for sure. I mean talking to friends, talking to strangers, talking to family… all of those are different skill sets but I’m working on steadily improving my social skills and noticing that there are different skills required and that you can’t just apply one ruleset to another situation is important.
Rather than comparing, I tried to just list my observation… but you’re very much right in that it’s like comparing apples to oranges. Thanks a lot!
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