Recently, I’ve been noticing how hard it actually is to strike up a conversation.
I’m introverted and shy (which is btw not synonymous). I often act against my shy nature and try to socialize but I can’t change how draining it is as an introvert to act in that manner.
Still, I try my best. I don’t want that trait to define me if that makes sense.
Anyhow, those traits combined with the possibility of me being on the spectrum… makes it hard for me to communicate. Again, I don’t want that to define me as a person and I don’t want to just accept that. So, I try my hardest to communicate with others, strike up a conversation with strangers, etc.
Theoretically, I can hold a conversation with any person as long as the occasion permits it.
At parties, for instance, it’s incredibly easy to talk to them, tease them, laugh with them, tell jokes and share stories. It’s easy to get into the matter and then guide the conversation in a specific way to get answers to questions and so on. I say “guide” but what I mean is keeping the conversation going without monologuing.
Theoretically, it’s as simple as asking people about their interests or reasons for being in different places, finding a reason to talk to them, even if it’s to complain about bad music at a party or whatever.
Then you try to treat each answer you get for a question as a path and follow each path with questions and answers, sharing a little about yourself and finding out more about them. When both parties are interested in a conversation, that stuff seems almost easy even though that’s the hard part, often harder than just going up to people. And when you’ve exhausted a path, you change to a different path. Basically.
Lately, though, I’ve noticed that it doesn’t work like that, at least with family. My parents want me to talk to them but I don’t know what to talk about. My interests don’t align with theirs and overall I just blank out.
Conversation is rough when I’m put on the spot like that. It’s something I want to get better at but I simply can’t seem to quite do it in these situations…
Anyway, this sort of makes my parents hard to talk to at times and it annoys me because I thought I was getting better at conversations and stuff.
I’ll have to work on that more, I guess. Conversations are hard.