Let me vent a little.

Today’s been a bit of a rough day in terms of energy levels being used up really. For the past couple of days my sleep quality has been quite bad, meaning that I didn’t feel rested at all despite sleeping “enough”. That paired with the added pressure and stress from having to catch up in the material that I missed out on because of… the surgery… and covid… and that sorta stuff… Yeah, it kinda sucks.

So, this morning, I woke up not being rested at all and I had my coffee but it didn’t help really. It wasn’t good. It was bad coffee, I guess. I then ended up having to call the dorm administration but the person I was supposed to talk to about the internet situation ended up being sick today, so I couldn’t reach them. Then I skipped breakfast in a hurry, went to university, came back home four hours later, and finally had some time to rest. I also was at the library for a little while between the classes, so I got to study up a bit without having to worry about bad internet or anything like that. I ordered some food because I didn’t want to buy groceries in the rain. The pizza I got was quite great (and a bargain)! Then I felt incredibly tired but I didn’t want to nap. I don’t know why exactly as that probably would have been okay before my next activity… but I didn’t. So, I ended up streaming for a while and it was quite good. I was motivated and had fun and was a little nostalgic as well, as I talked to my moderator during my Euro Truck Simulator 2 stream… that game is just chill and fun, especially while you’re talking about the most random things.

Speaking of the stream, internet was alright today. I notice it here and there struggling a tad but I believe that my issue that I’m experiencing at the moment is “kinda fixed”. I need to update that post btw… tomorrow. Essentially, I deactivated “Disconnect Protection”, put the stream on Normal Latency (meaning that there is a delay now), added a 1 second delay to the stream and I made it so that in case of a disconnet, the stream would just continue where I left off, kinda? The stream disconnected in those two hours once or twice, I believe, causing the delay to go from 1 second to about 11 seconds which is still really good, in my opinion, as it meant that the stream didn’t completely cut off.

After that, we raided a cool person named RedWeird who you may wanna check out if you like cool Twitch streams. Then I got ready for my debate stuff meeting and we debated about whether or not nuclear power should be a thing again in Germany. The debate was an OPD, meaning we had two teams (government and opposition), each with three members. Between the fourth and the fifth speech, there’s a free speaker – in this case me. That was fun. I don’t like the vibe lately at the debate club because it’s a bit too serious with some of its topics, so I had some fun after I couldn’t think about arguments. Instead of asking whether nuclear waste is a problem or instead of arguing that it isn’t that much of a problem… I asked: “Are humans worth saving in the first place?” and did this mad speech placing me in the fundamental opposition, kinda, where I argued FOR nuclear power because a super-gau that is big enough could potentially destroy all of humanity which would end everyone’s suffering. This was a joke speech btw. Everyone laughed. It was kind of fun to see people be confused about on whose side I’m on. I joked around that we wouldn’t have to put up with Musk buying up companies and that we wouldn’t have to deal with artists not getting any credit… What mattered was that I had fun. Everyone else continued to be serious. My speech was apparently “very good” on a speaking level, especially as my English is “very good”. The issue is that I stressed too much if that makes sense, which is a statement that I would agree with. While other people may be too monotone in their speaking patterns, I ended up being overly expressive, which is a bad habit from streaming I guess. I need to be monotone at times so that the important points can stand out because they’re emphasized.

Sadly, me doing a joke speech amidst a serious debate did make someone “not happy” and I needed to talk to them to assure them that I meant no harm and that they’re valid. At the same time, though, I justified it by the fact that the atmosphere lately has been not the same as before. I don’t debate just to improve my debating and speaking and whatnot but also because I want to have fun and I want to have fun with the other people there. It’s not about just the sports for me. It’s my freetime. I want to actually enjoy myself. They understood that. I made sure they understand that I get their point of view as well. We hugged. It’s all good and next time, I won’t pull that move again, even as a free speaker.

But that incident kinda… I don’t know. It drained me. Then I went home after receiving the aforementioned feedback. Btw, my arguments were bullshit, and I know that. On a argumentative level, my speech sucked but then again, this wasn’t my cup of tea in terms of topics to debate. Whatever. I wanted to go home… and the next bus would have arrived 25 minutes later, so I ended up walking… but due to the humidity and everything, it was incredibly warm and draining and whatnot. I got me some groceries on my way home and then hugged my better half, talked to her flatmates, and tried to relax here until now. I did my Duolingo as well btw (50-Day Streak! Woohoo!) and now I’m writing this post.

I just feel tired today and exhausted and there was an interesting discussion going on on the Blaugust discord but I didn’t get to participate because I just didn’t have the mental capacity for it, I guess. I probably didn’t miss out on too much. I’ll go to sleep in a bit. Tomorrow is a new day, I believe, so, maybe that one will be better?

Oh, also, I just read a news headline that someone quite close to hear was arrested in broad daylight for carrying a gun. That’s incredibly worrying. Not the arrest part… I mean the gun part. What the fuck? How am I supposed to sleep soundly now?

Hence, after venting, my final message to you for today is: Take care of yourself. Good night.

This post was first published on Indiecator by Dan Indiecator aka MagiWasTaken. If you like what you see here and want to see more, you can check me out on Twitch and YouTube as well. If you find this post on a website other than Indiecator.org, please write an e-mail to me. Thank you!

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